my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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