he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
