Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
