Will you blow on my dice?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
When are your genitals available?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
