im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
