OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
