These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
