OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
