U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Don't EVER smell your tampon
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
