How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
