Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
