Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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