Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Randomize
