i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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