Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
