five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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