There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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