i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
