so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
