Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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