i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
