I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
