he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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