The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
