So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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