So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
