i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
