I am in a vortex of obligation.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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