yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
