I cannot find my penis.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
she pinky promised me she was 18
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Randomize
