my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Randomize
