she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
