but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
This baby is an asshole
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
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