I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
