dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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