covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
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