she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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