She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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