It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
