when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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