Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
