I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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