In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
worst night to have a conscience
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
