He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
