And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
