She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I had to cum in my sink.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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