ya dads aren't the best wingmen
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
