Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
