Fine. I'll sleep in my office
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
