i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
