if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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