New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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