Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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