Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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