I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
