as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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