i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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