Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
