Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
