I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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