She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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